OVER ANALYSIS AND RESISTANCE TO CURVEBALLS
WHAT DOES THIS LOOK LIKE IN YOUR LIFE?
One weekend I went to the library to meet with some friends and do some work. When I got there it was clear that one of my friends was needing to chat about something that was difficult for her at that moment.
Now, I am the most sensitive and emotional person I know, but my brain likes to over analyse stuff and it likes things to be scheduled and go the way it was planned. So what was I thinking? I was thinking, when are we going to do some work? When will you feel ok about this so we can work?
I’m not proud of this, but the reality is my mind panics when things change, even if I look totally cool on the outside. (I never look that cool to be fair).
As a younger person I used to lose friends this way because, to them, if I showed anxiety or said the wrong thing in response to their emotion, I looked like an asshole who didn’t care about their feelings as oppose to a person panicking about change and feeling scared by the pain they were in. BUT I know me. I’m the expert of me. I’m not an asshole.
I have tools and awareness now around how my mind works. I realise that although I might go into over analysis and not give into feelings right away, I can listen more to my friend with my body. I can feel what she’s saying and listen less with my mind, a mind that is upset that we’re not doing the thing we planned to do.
“I am not my mind and neither are you. You are your being, your body, your soul.”
I checked in with my friend a little later. I apologised for taking a little while to really *be with* her emotionally right away. She said she thought I was great and listened really well.
And even before my friend said she was cool, I’d already forgiven myself for my little listening delay, because, you know, shit happens.
What do you need to forgive yourself for today?
I’ll see you at the park!
“Lyndsey Pearce is a UK based writer. She finds reading Sarah Scribbles a lovely thing to do between colouring in and drinking hot chocolate.
WRITING ABOUT BEING QUIETLY, INVISIBLY, DIFFERENT BUT SAME
Quiet misfits mulls over introversion, energy management, autism in females, highly sensitive people, managing loss, LGBT women, creativity, and being yourself.